How Men Think
The article below appeared in The
Information Press and was written by Clay Watkins, director of Village
Counseling Center in Arroyo Grande, California. It is somewhat tongue-in-cheek,
but there is much truth in it as well.
The first challenge of counseling is understanding the problem. In
couples counseling, this requires the acknowledgement that there are
differences between men and women in how they think, feel and respond to
people, situations and their environment.
Let’s start with women. Women are
mysterious, multi-faceted, wondrous beings who bring variety, creativity and
spontaneity to this world. Men, by comparison--well, we’re just slugs.
Men are just not that complicated. Oh sure, we seem complicated to
women, but that’s because you women overthink us. Women look at the mousetrap
of mankind and see some sort of space rocket. You calculate and extrapolate in
an attempt to discover the genius behind the masculine mindset, but ladies,
save yourselves time and effort. There is no there there. Guys are mousetraps. No rocket science is involved. A piece of
wood, a metal spring, some cheese—that’s it.
In other words, when we say, “Gee,
Honey, your hair sure looks nice,” we don’t mean, “I hated your previous
hairstyle and I’m so glad you got a different cut this time.” Neither do we
mean, “I really hate this cut, but I’m just telling you I like it so I won’t
get in trouble for not noticing.” We are simple beings. We just mean we like
your hair. As I said, ix-nay on the rocket-science-ray.
Motivating Factors for Men
Primarily men are survival-oriented, which means
we don’t notice things unless they have survival value to us. Unfortunately
this has caused my gender to overlook every change in society since we were
Neanderthals, and thus, we still respond to the unpredictability of life the
same way our ancestors did: with grunts and clubs. Granted, our grunts now
occasionally involve grammar and syntax, and our clubs have fuel injected
engines and 18-inch subwoofers in them, but it’s all essentially the same. So
if we are selfish at times, know that it is because on some level we feel our
emotional or physical survival is threatened. In other words women, don’t take
it personally--we men are not jerks because we are bad people; we are jerks
because our very lives depend on it.
Secondly, men are respect-oriented. We want to respect ourselves, and we
desperately want others to respect us. This means, however, dealing with us can
prove difficult because we often want respect even when we don’t deserve it.
But take heart; there are ways to get around this. Listen carefully. The key to
helping us men keep our self-respect is quite simple: just lower the bar. When we tune up your car for you, then can’t
get it started again, just say, “Well, at least you didn’t blow it up, Dear.”
Or when we lose our job because we said the wrong thing to the boss, just say, “It’s
okay, Sweetie--any day without gunplay is a good day.”
Thirdly, men are pleasure-oriented. No surprise here. Guys never really
mature; our bodies just get older and our toys more expensive. Ladies, this is why
it’s so hard to find a responsible man. Discipline does not come easy to us as
it requires delaying our pleasure. Later-bad. Now-good (grunt). Note however,
you can use this to your advantage. Just refine your carrot-dangling skills.
Read books on how to raise kids. The enticements may change with a guy’s age,
but the theory remains constant. Whether you are using M&Ms or breasts to
distract or attract us, it all works the same.
Lastly, we men are sameness-oriented. We do not like change. Change requires
insight and effort. Change-bad. Sameness-good (grunt). Our philosophy is very
basic. If it works, don’t change it. If it doesn’t work, hit it with a hammer
until it either works or breaks. And if it works well, nail it down so it won’t
move. Change, if it ever occurs, happens only when the previously mentioned
pleasure principle is implemented effectively. Even then, you must continue to
reward the change until it becomes a habit, which for most men requires
somewhere between twenty and thirty years.
I hope this has been helpful. I
am personally just glad to be done writing. Now I can go back to sitting on the
couch and watching sports. Remember, any man can achieve greatness as long as
he tries hard, and as long as the standard for greatness is set low enough.
If you would like to print or download a copy of this in Acrobat format, click HERE.
If you would like to print or download a copy of this in Acrobat format, click HERE.
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