Paying Kids for Grades

Paying Kids for Grades

Clay Watkins, MFT

Many parents wonder whether they should pay a child for getting good grades. They fear if they give them money for performing, it will undermine the child’s natural motivation to achieve, or more generally, make the child’s self esteem too dependent on performance. And while this concern is well-meaning, it is for the most part just a holdover from the psychobabble pushed on us by the so-called experts and social engineers in the 1960s and 1970s.

Rewarding a child for doing what you want, that is, positive reinforcement, has been and always will be one of the most effective strategies for raising positive and motivated boys or girls. Most of the real world works the same way--we get punished when we do bad things and rewarded for doing good things-so it makes sense to start teaching kids the realities of life early. And in fact, balanced with unconditional hugs, kisses and verbal praises, consistently rewarding a child for good behavior produces a much healthier self image than that of a child who is affirmed for merely being who they are. How effective you are in positively reinforcing your child, however, depends on their particular personality type, and even more importantly on how you implement your reward program.

First, the older a child is, the more complex their motivations become. Your first goal every day should be to listen to and observe your child to determine what gets them moving, what makes them excited. For some kids money is a natural motivator, but for others the key may be increased freedom, activities with friends, phone privileges, a later curfew, competition or—heaven forbid—the newest Korn CD. Every kid is different, so take time to know what floats your particular kid’s boat.

Second, be aware of the difference between bribing and reinforcing your child. Simply put, bribery is giving them the goodies before they do what you want. Reinforcement is giving them the goodies after they do what you want. And both research and field experience tells us, in the modern vernacular, that bribery sucks, and reinforcement rocks. We’ve all seen it, parents who give in too early invariably turn their kids into spoiled brats, and parents who dangle the carrot in a way that allows a child to eventually get it seem to produce more responsible and likeable kids. Simple? Sure. Easy? Of course not. Getting back to using money as a reward for good grades, if you do decide to make your carrot a monetary one, use these guidelines:

·       Be clear regarding your standards and rewards, for example, five dollars for an “A”, three dollars for a “B” and one dollar for a “C”. Or for a child who experiences greater difficulty at school, give them five dollars for every passing grade and a bonus if all their grades are passing. Make the goals attainable yet challenging. Draw up a contract and post it on the refrigerator so there is no misunderstanding later.

·       Set them up for success—require them to finish their homework every night. Make them show you their list of assignments as well as their completed assignments. If they tend to forget or lie about their assignments, work out a plan with their teachers so you know every assignment every night. This is not babying, it is training. There is a difference. And for you parents who think this is a lot of work, I have only one response. Suck it up. Parenting is not for sissies. Whether you realized it or not, you signed up for this that night you got hot and heavy in the back seat of that old Chevy, so quit your whining.

·       In addition to your standard pattern of reinforcement, also occasionally reward them in an unpredictable way. Casino slot machines use the most powerful form of training known to mankind, something we therapist call variable ratio reinforcement. Varying amounts of a reward given after a varying number of responses—this is what really enforces learning. Find ways of surprising your child with a reward for some small success they have had on their path to better grades. Catch them studying some afternoon and whimsically give them a hug or, better yet, give them that new Razor Scooter they’ve been wanting. It will confuse them, but if you stay unpredictable, it will impact them on a level you never knew you had access to.

·       Finally, and this may seem basic, make sure you follow up and pay them their money when they earn good grades. You would be surprised how many parents renege on their agreements with their kids and then vehemently complain when those same kids later stop trying at school.

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