Training Boys to Be Men

Training Boys to Be Men

Clay Watkins, MFT

The items below, presented in no particular order, form the basis for a structured parenting program offered by Clay Watkins through Village Counseling Center in Arroyo Grande, California. Each item represents a training topic that can be integrated into an activity or homework assignment with boys of various ages.

Organization and Decision Making

• Decisiveness: Saying “yes” to one priority always involves saying “no” to others.
• Sacrifice: Counting the cost of your goals early makes persistence easier later.
• Dreams: The difference between dreams and goals is decision.
• Neatness: A little effort to be neat now reaps great benefits in productivity later.
• Filing: A well-organized filing system is worth its weight in gold.
• Computers: Computer and Internet skills that save time and increase productivity.
• To-Do Lists: Keeping an updated To-Do list with 3 categories: Do ASAP, Do Soon and Do Eventually.
• Focus: Successful people limit the number of their goals, then commit strongly to them.
• Goals: Making goals positive, attainable, measurable, modifiable and incremental.
• Long-term Goals: Exploring and setting goals for 5, 10, 20 and 50 years in the future.
• Assertiveness: Knowing the difference between passivity, aggressiveness and assertiveness.
• Time Management: Learning to structure your time so it does not get away from you.
• Punctuality: Being punctual tells others they are important to you, and it also requires you to be honest with yourself about what you can do and what you want to do.
• Integrity: Being a man of your word, even when you pay a price to do so; the value of integrity.
• Dependability: Where there’s a will there’s a way. We do what we want to do. Dependability is a choice.
• Courage: Courage does not mean eliminating fear, rather it means you act in spite of your fear. Learning to meet your fears head-on.
• Courage: Overcoming fear involves decision, education, consultation, experimentation and action.
• Leadership: To be a great leader you must first learn how and when to follow; leadership styles.
• Teaching: To be an excellent teacher you must first learn to be an excellent student; teaching styles.
• Balance: Defining the fine line between being a committed person and being obsessed.
• History: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Know history and learn from it.
• Success: Success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration.
• Self-control: Self-control and discipline are often the only skills separating a winner from a loser.

Money and the American Work Ethic

• Saving: Save part of every paycheck and it will grow large before you know it.
• Investing: Recognizing a good deal; getting rich slow; various investing concepts.
• Work Ethic: Hard work builds character, patience, endurance and success.
• Budgeting: Control your money—don’t let it control you.
• Borrowing: The borrower is the lender’s slave, so borrow carefully.
• Credit: The importance of building good credit; keys to careful usage of credit.
• Balance: Defining the fine line between holding high standards and being a perfectionist.
• Collecting: Sports cards and memorabilia, Pokemon, Beanie Babies, stamps.
• Giving: Give a part of each paycheck to help others and your life will be fuller because of it.
• Planning: People don’t plan to fail—they fail to plan. Work smarter, not harder. Don’t let the urgent crowd out the important. Being proactive. Prioritizing and managing your goals.
• Persistence: Persistence is one more distinguishing characteristic between winners and losers.
• Priorities: People are more important than things. Prioritize your life or others will prioritize it for you.
• Teamwork: Together Everyone Achieves More; learning to work with others.
• Support: You are only as good as the people with whom you surround yourself.
• People: Four types of people in business: Honest and Giving (the rarest), Honestly Competitive, Dishonest but Predictable, Dishonest but Unpredictable (most dangerous).
• Risk: Like the turtle, you have to stick your neck out to get anywhere. In soccer, you can’t score if you never shoot.
• Failure: Every failure means you are one step closer to success. Example: Thomas Edison.
• Fun: True success must include some fun or what good is it?
• Career: Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
• Balance: True success lies somewhere between the extremes of laziness and workaholism.
• Quality: Buy the best and only cry once.
• Money/Power: Managing your money well gives you more power and more options in life.
• Career: Career categories include: entrepreneur, professional, sales, white collar, blue collar.
• Sales: All of life involves sales. Learn to be a good salesman and it will benefit you all your life.

Relationships, Character, Morals, Beliefs, Life Skills

• Friends: Pick your friends wisely, because who they are is who you will become.
• Friendship: What a true friend is; how to maintain friendships; building a support network.
• Character: Every word, action and decision you make brings you closer or farther away from the person you want to be.
• Integrity: Say what you mean, mean what you say, and you’ll earn respect from yourself and others.
• Honesty: Tell the truth and you only have to remember one story; honesty and a clear conscience.
• Failure: It is never too late to become the person you were meant to be. Few choices in life are permanent—some just cost more than others.
• Consequences: Accepting negative consequences like a man; learning from every choice in life.
• Independence: When you can do for yourself, do so. There are plenty of opportunities in life to depend on others without creating more; balancing enough and too much independence.
• Dependence: Recognizing and dealing with dependent people; learning to say “no”; setting boundaries.
• Balance: Balancing doing for others with doing for yourself; the difference between narcissism and healthy self-respect.
• Victim Status: We always have more options than we think we have. There are very few real victims. 
• Respect: Principles of winning friends and influencing people. Being assertive, introducing yourself, offering a firm handshake and a smile, remembering people’s names.
• Respect: Every time you interact with someone you train them either to respect or disrespect you.
• Appearance: People initially judge you on your outward appearance. Dress for your next job.
• Confidence: Confidence is a mixture of decision, preparation, experience and attitude.
• Hygiene: You only get one chance to make a first impression. Cleanliness is worth the effort.
• Drugs/Alcohol: A man’s got to know his limitations. Get high on life and substances will never be necessary.
• Addictions: Facts about drugs, alcohol, gambling, sexual and online addictions
• Peer Pressure: Saying no; being popular; parties; dealing with criticism and ridicule.
• Gun Safety: Knowledge about guns; gun safety skills.
• Beliefs: Those who do not stand for something will fall for anything; knowing what you believe.
• Spirituality: World view; theology; meaning of life; the afterlife.
• Conflict: Conflict resolution; anger management; understanding your emotional buttons.
• Role Models: Choosing your heroes; whose opinion is valuable and whose is not.
• Family: Be nice to your family—they are going to be around for a long time.
• Courtesy: Saying “thank you,” “yes sir,” “yes ma’am”; table manners; thank you notes; letters; emails.
• Heritage: Knowing your heritage and being proud of it.
• Diplomacy: A diplomat tells a woman whose face could stop a clock, “Madame, when I look into your face, time stands still.”
• Spin: There are always two ways of describing anything. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.
• Reason: Logic; objectivity; science; research; problem-solving skills
• Verbal Defense: Verbal self-defense strategies; comebacks; argumentation; debate; study of fallacy.
• Pluralism: Reasonable people can disagree; the skill of disagreeing without devaluing.
• Absolutes: What is always true and what is relative or just sometimes true; situational ethics.
• Positivity: Being positive is a choice followed by practice.
• Happiness: Happiness requires a marriage of choice, belief and attitude.
• Control: When you strive to control your environment, you will naturally conflict people who need to control you.
• Education: Knowledge is power. Wisdom is knowledge under control.
• Education: College versus the school of hard knocks, structure versus freedom, the military.
• Education: One must learn how to learn before one can truly learn. Curiosity is key to real learning.
• Education: How to take effective notes; how to write effectively
• Reading: The key to a life of learning is reading, so learn to love it.
• The Mind: Garbage in, garbage out. Television, movies, video games, fantasy games and how they affect the mind and character.
• Math: Math builds on the basics, so learn them well before moving on to more complex concepts.
• Love: Love is 90% decision, 10% feeling.
• Sex: How men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love; mechanics; birth control.
• The Body: Male-female differences; phases of physical development.
• Masculinity: Real men don’t eat quiche; emotions; toughness; sensitivity; communication skills.
• Self-Defense: How to defend yourself and those you love; locks; security; awareness of one’s surroundings.
• Survival Skills: Camping; backpacking; emergency medical skills; surviving in the woods.
• Domestic Skills: Cooking; cleaning; sewing; organizing; time management.
• Communication: Conversational skills; humor; non-verbal communication; active listening skills; initiating.
• Nature: Plants; animals; birds; fish; insects; weather; astronomy; science; appreciating beauty.
• Pets: Pet maintenance and benefits.
• Adaptability: Security-knowing that you can survive and adapt to any problem that presents itself.
• Feminism: History of women’s place in society; a person’s value versus their role or job.
• Patriotism: Freedoms, rights and privileges. American history and the role of government.
• Current Events: Reading the newspaper; staying up on local, national and world events.
• Women: Know the rules; “the points system”; how to attract, treat and maintain a relationship with a woman.
• Friendship: Levels of intimacy; conversational skills.
• Dating: Choosing the right woman; classy versus trashy; matching up values; levels of intimacy.
• Manipulation: Looking out for number one when you need to; recognizing a con when you see one.
• Guilt: Know the difference between a healthy conscience and unhealthy guilt.
• Social Skills: How to deal with difficult people.
• Parenting: How to train your parent(s).
• Labeling: Labeling ourselves and others positively; building self-esteem.
• Self-esteem: Self-esteem is a combination of feeling competent and feeling loved and valued.
• Big Decisions: Crucial life decisions versus non-crucial life decisions; safety; health; crime; credit; marriage.
• The Law: Morality versus legality; doing the right thing even when it costs you.
• Race: Race; culture; economics; class; attitudes and their affect on social outcomes.
• Judgment: The difference between having good judgment and being judgmental, between deciding and choosing.
• Responsibility: Admitting and learning from mistakes; asking forgiveness; taking responsibility; letting go of ego.
• Mental Health: Never stop learning and you will never stop growing.
• Sports: The role of sports among men; character development through sports.
• Competition: Balancing competitiveness and drive (in sports and life) with relationships and fun.
• Physical Health: Fitness; diet; medicine; biology.
• The Arts: Finding artistic expression through art, dance, music and writing.
• Travel: Expanding your horizons and broadening your understanding through travel.
• Shop Skills: How to fix things; woodworking; metal work; electronics; auto repair.

If you would like to print or download a copy of this in Acrobat format, click HERE.